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What went wrong—how did Crispin’s success so quickly transform into failure? My feeling is that the agency initially excelled mainly by whipping up attention through shock value and pop-cultural attunement. This skill won it plaudits from mid-level creatives across the advertising industry (who yearn to be as daring as Crispin but are reined in by the cooler, wiser heads who employ them), and was initially thrilling to Crispin’s clients (marketing executives who delight in the sudden onslaught of Twitter traffic mentioning their brands). But after it built this early momentum, Crispin was at a loss. It didn’t have the tools to do anything other than raise yet more buzz—which requires ever more outrageous stunts, and generally results in diminishing returns. There’s a Crispin employee handbook out there that defines advertising as “anything that makes our clients famous.” But effective branding is much more nuanced than that. Burger King is now famous for having a mute weirdo as its spokesperson. Given its sales performance, I think BK would prefer a bit less of that kind of fame.

“Getting a product known isn’t the answer. Getting it WANTED is the answer. Some of the best known product names have failed.”

Read all of the previous Bernbach Said posts here.

I started writing and I continue to write because it gives me pleasure and gives meaning to my existence. If money were the motive, I could have stopped writing ages ago and saved myself having to put up with invariably negative reviews.

Olha, isto é nem só o mal da literatura brasileira contemporânea, se é um mal, mas advogo que seja; advogo que seja, porque quero ver coisas como o minúsculo e trêmulo poodle com “glistening eyes like sad black olives” em “Ada”. Me deixe ver alguma coisa, sim, no meio desta neblina? Chego a sentir saudades dos jegues da literatura brasileira – pelo menos jegues eram uma coisa que você via nitidamente. Mas como dizia, não só da literatura brasileira: leia qualquer coisa de Lobo Antunes, como fala dos seus sentimentos este homem, quase como uma divorciada tomando uísque.

"Skeet" is actually a form of birth control practiced by the African-American tribes of North America near the beginning of the 21st Centruy. Visionaries of the time (such as Lil Jon and Nelly) recognized the inevitable and everpresent danger of overpopulation in their land and decided to take action. They discovered an ancient form of birth control used by their ancestors that involved "pulling out and shooting" (much like skeet shooting) during sexual intercourse, as to not impregnate the female, or "biatch". The visionaries spread the word the only way they knew how: rap music. People would listen to the songs of the visionaries during ritual smoking ceremonies and chant "skeet skeet skeet!". Every tribe of their kind in the land listened to rap music and the idea of skeeting quickly gained in popularity. Soon, the entire African-American tribe had done its part to offset the effects of overpopulation through generations of skeeting on the women that they did not wish to impregnate. However, the other tribes of the land (most notabley, the Whites and Mexicans) did not support the "Skeet Movement". They continued to grow in number until the Whites eventually ate the Mexicans. The Whites, however, refused to eat the African-Americans for fear of sickle cell anemia, so they all got on a very large boat and went back to England.

"Excuse me, I didn't catch your name, but would you mind if I skeeted on you? Seeing as how we just met and all, I am not fully convinced that you would make a good mother, so I am electing not to ejaculate inside of you. Let me go get you a towel."